The Struggle Was Real!

I first want to take a moment of silence for Sergeant Scott Lunger of the Hayward Police Department.  He was laid to his final resting place today.  Sergeant Lunger was killed in the line of duty on a car stop.  Just as life starts to resume as normal BAM, it happens again.  It doesn’t get any easier to hear of officer deaths. I have been married to a police officer for 8 years and I constantly think about what ifs.

What if David is killed in the line of duty, who will notify me? How will they notify me? What will my reaction be? How do I tell our kids? How do I plan for a funeral with that many people? What will life be like without him?

Each time David walks out the door, I know he might not be coming back.  That is a reality our family faces when he goes to work.  David puts on a bullet proof vest (that may or may not stop a bullet), a uniform, and carries a 30b+ belt and goes to calls or stops a cars, knowing it might be his last.  Every 53 hours an officer is killed in the line of duty.  David said the only time this photo will be used is if the newspaper wants it because he got into serious trouble or for a funeral, which makes me sad, because it’s a great picture. IMG_0034

The struggle was real today, it might because of the emotional live coverage of Sergeant Lunger ‘s funeral, seeing the code 3 lights, the sea of law enforcement officers from all over paying their respects, hearing his family speak about what an amazing person he was, or hearing the end of watch from dispatch.  It definitely took a toll today.  Also my little cherub Madison threw her first fit in a grocery store, THANK THE LORD, it was leaving the store. I had to pick her up and carry her to the car.  After we got home and I put Maddie down for a nap, I sat down on the couch and took at 2 hour nap, unintentionally.  I woke up in a panic, not knowing how long I was asleep for.  Thank goodness my 5 year old can be entertained with Netflix and YouTube.  After nap time it was an uphill battle.  Between not having dinner started, and both kids in whiney moods.  Needless to say we picked up dinner tonight.  However, I thank my lucky stars David is able to be home with us tonight.

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2 thoughts on “The Struggle Was Real!

  1. Yes – the struggle was real today. While it should have been a day that I hugged my kids closer, I found myself angry and consumed with the thoughts you mentioned above… Could I be enough of a parent to overcome the loss of my kids’ father should this be my fate? Who would I call first? His family or mine? How would I explain this to my sons? I felt bad for my lack of patience and knew I should be holding them close… Yet I pushed them away happy to let them think I was just tired…. When they saw the police motorcade on my phone and exclaimed “Wow! Cool! Look at all of those police cars together…” My heart broke knowing they didn’t understand how sad this moment was… When I attempted to watch the coverage of the funeral and my oldest said “Are you looking for Daddy on TV?” I immediately snapped the TV off. I don’t know at what point they will learn the reality of what their dad does everyday… But for tonight I’ll pour myself an extra glass of wine and dull my pain for someone else’s loss knowing that my kids are innocently unaware of what their daddy does… To them he is a hero catching the bad guys and I hope that is ALWAYS true. Rest easy, Sgt. Lunger and may all of your brothers in blue be safe tonight!

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  2. Johnna, just perfectly said. It’s so hard because our kids are so innocent and cops and robbers is just a game to them and its reality for us. I am counting down the years to retirement. I swear his profession gives me more gray hair and wrinkles.

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