What it’s like

What it is like for me when my husband leaves to serve and protect our city.

When we wake up, I am always thankful that we are able to wake up next to each other.  He came home and he is here.  He starts to get ready for the day and positively thinking, this day is going to be great! When he walks out in his uniform fear starts to linger in the back of my mind. I try to push it out and think about what needs to get done during the day.

Once he finally leaves, then fear and nerves set in.  I still try and push it out, but it just keeps creeping back in to my mind. The questions below are not for the faint at heart, they are true and raw.

Questions I think on a daily basis while husband is working:

  1. I hope he made it work okay (whew okay I received a text, we are good!)
  2. What would happen if he were to get an injury at work?  Would he call me?     ****Heads up, it gets pretty morbid, real quick****
  3. Who would notify me if he were to die? I know who is suppose to notify me, but they    are on the same shift, what if he is at the hospital?
  4. Who would watch my children?
  5. What would I do when I got to the hospital?
  6. How would I tell him mom?
  7. How would I tell my mom?
  8. How would I get them here? Should I tell them after they get here?
  9. Would I stay in CO or go back home?
  10. How would I go on?

Text at 6:15pm saying he is on his way home.  Nerves start to calm, fear starts to fade.  The second I hear that garage door open, all is right again. Put this same cycle on repeat four days straight.  Amplify this when 7 officers die within a short period of time.  My heart is broken, it’s like apart of me is taken away.  The blue community is truly a family and we stand together.

I know this might not be logical thinking for some, but for my family its a reality that my husband my not walk through the door at 6:30pm.  We only have two more days in this shift.  I can not wait for him to walk through that door.

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