What it’s like

What it is like for me when my husband leaves to serve and protect our city.

When we wake up, I am always thankful that we are able to wake up next to each other.  He came home and he is here.  He starts to get ready for the day and positively thinking, this day is going to be great! When he walks out in his uniform fear starts to linger in the back of my mind. I try to push it out and think about what needs to get done during the day.

Once he finally leaves, then fear and nerves set in.  I still try and push it out, but it just keeps creeping back in to my mind. The questions below are not for the faint at heart, they are true and raw.

Questions I think on a daily basis while husband is working:

  1. I hope he made it work okay (whew okay I received a text, we are good!)
  2. What would happen if he were to get an injury at work?  Would he call me?     ****Heads up, it gets pretty morbid, real quick****
  3. Who would notify me if he were to die? I know who is suppose to notify me, but they    are on the same shift, what if he is at the hospital?
  4. Who would watch my children?
  5. What would I do when I got to the hospital?
  6. How would I tell him mom?
  7. How would I tell my mom?
  8. How would I get them here? Should I tell them after they get here?
  9. Would I stay in CO or go back home?
  10. How would I go on?

Text at 6:15pm saying he is on his way home.  Nerves start to calm, fear starts to fade.  The second I hear that garage door open, all is right again. Put this same cycle on repeat four days straight.  Amplify this when 7 officers die within a short period of time.  My heart is broken, it’s like apart of me is taken away.  The blue community is truly a family and we stand together.

I know this might not be logical thinking for some, but for my family its a reality that my husband my not walk through the door at 6:30pm.  We only have two more days in this shift.  I can not wait for him to walk through that door.

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I’m Baaaaaaackk

I have had several requests to get my blog back up and running.  So, here I am typing away my feelings.

For New Year’s I had the pleasure of watching a friend’s children, while she was in the hospital giving birth to her 3rd child (really her 5th as she was surrogate to twins, yes, she is amazing and puts my goals to shame LOL).   This really made me feel so good about being a parent, that she trusted me with her two boys for TWO whole days.  I love them like my own boys.  WELL I definitely got a dose of what it is like to be a mom to four little people.  I give it up to people who have a posse of children.  You get my upmost respect.  Not that you didn’t before, but I ate a big ole piece of humble pie. I learned 2 things while watching 3 boys and 1 girl.

  1. Boys will be boys. Wrestling, burping, farting, wrestling some more are pretty much an hourly occurrence. I can not control it, and to just let it go……
  2. Patience is the key. Questions beyond questions and more questions.  Gahhhhh will it every end.  Well that’s the age and I need to realize that.

I am so blessed with friends that trust me with their children and that in itself is the biggest compliment I could ever receive. However, I did give myself a little commission on New Year’s Day, while the boys were wrestling in the background.  Oh, and I made myself a bracelet that I will wear almost daily.

It was me, not them.

Sorry I have been MIA the last two weeks.  David is now out of his “mini academy” and on the streets.  Just a little scheduling change, new routine and maybe a little added stress.

I finally had my breaking point.  Funny enough it wasn’t my kids that drove me crazy, it was me.  I hate not being in control. I want to be that mom that is so in control and organized, yeah well totally not me. I am a hot mess pretty much half the day. My kids stay in their pjs until I have to get them dressed and I go without my teeth brushed until around 11am (I know disgusting). So back to my crazy ass day.

The day started off great, got in an out of Costco in an hour, CRAZY I KNOW, got home, put the groceries away and off to go to the Peach Festival.  I needed to get cash, no problem, I will get some on the way.  WELL there was also a bike race happening in Fort Collins, along with tons of construction.  I made it passed street closure for the bike race, whew, but still needed cash.  Googled my bank and low and behold there was one right next my house, back tracked and of course both kids are sleeping, and no drive up ATM.  All the ATMS here are in an enclosed area, so I can’t leave my kids in the car to get cash.  At this point I am frustrated and upset, I hate that I don’t know where anything is.  The bike street closure is happening and traffic will be insane. I threw my hands up and said forget it. We went home and it all went downhill from there. Coffee spilt, Maddie didn’t take a good nap, nolan was whining, on and on and on. I tapped David in the second he got home.  He didn’t even have time to put down his stuff.

When I was at work, I could handle almost any situation. I am really good at staying cool under pressure, especially during events. I am good at improvising and letting things go if they didn’t happen.  I love being apart of a team and seeing people happy.  Well when you are a stay at home mom, its a team of 1 and sometimes no one is happy.  I am slowly learning to let things go and its not such a big deal if the milk spills.  If all that happened at the end of the day is the milk spilt, we are doing pretty good.

My keeper for they day


What A Weekend/ Commission 8.9

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy it has been a weekend.  Not necessarily one that was amazing, one that has caused me to down a whole bottle of champagne to myself and then some.  Friday came and I wish it were TGIF, but it was more get me through this day, so my husband can take over.

My boy Nolan is starting exercise his right to say “no” and ask a ton of why questions.  I hear myself saying “because I said so” a ton.  I know this is not the correct the answer, but its the easy one.  I grit my teeth and close my eyes just so I don’t yell at the top of my lungs.  I then, remind myself that he is 5, he should be asking questions and knowing why. I want him to know that its okay to say “no” when you don’t like something, but also listen to his parents.

My girl Madison, is fierce and has her mamas attitude.  Since my boy was a late speaker and didn’t really talk until 2.5, I am learning about the yelling and screaming for things.  She is also curious as all heck.  I love her curiosity and ability to speak, but lord have mercy.  Maddie tests my patience, she knows what she is doing is wrong, but she does it anyway.  She wants to be held and then put down, and then held again.  She wants her sandals, and then her shoes.  Then she starts yelling, because I can’t figure what she wants. I then find myself gritting my teeth and giving myself more wrinkles on my face. Then I have to take a breath and remember she is 19 months.  Somethings she doesn’t know better, and know that she is also just figuring out the world.  She has only been in this world for 19 months.  Sign language is big in our house and she is starting to say more and more words, which I know will help with the screaming and yelling. I also have to remember that is okay to say “no” and not give her everything.

Everyday is a learning experience for everyone.  I am learning that my children are children, but also when to take a step back and really look at the situation.  My husband has such amazing patience, he definitely took control of the weekend for me.

Tonight our commission is beer.  We love craft beer and a will try any beer once or twice hehe.  So cheers to you and I hope you had a fabulous week.


My keep for the day.  Country style.


Pancakes, Pizza & Pinot. Commission 8.5

The three P’s happened today.  I was in no mood to cook or clean, so paper plates (hey some more P’s) and a microwave saved me today.  My children had pancakes and pizza for dinner while I had a glass of pinot.  I like to drink a glass of some type of alcohol during dinner.  This calms me down for the witching hour, such a dreaded 2 hours before bed time.  Everything fell apart after dinner.  We went for our nightly walk and Maddie fell not once but twice, and the second fall really did her in, Pavement- 2 Maddie-0.  She was done, which meant I have to carry her and hold the two dogs.  Thanks goodness both pups are pretty mellow when walking.  Once we got home Nolan just couldn’t wind down, he was sent to sit on his bed for 10 minutes. I could not wait to just sit in quiet and do nothing.  I got my wish and the hubby is putting down the little man.

Keep Collective NEW FALL LINE is available tomorrow  Check out a little sneak peek. 11816856_10207076316567920_47943299992413289_n

My commission for today is sitting down in the quiet.  Not having to listen to screaming children. Done and done!

Poopy Tuesday/ Commission 8.4

My poor child has a problem with pooping.  Ms. Maddie get very constipated very quickly.  We thought it was dairy, and switched her to almond milk, not the case.  I have done some reading on the infamous internet and spoke with her doctor and its more common than I thought.  A simple dose of Miralax everyday should do the trick, and it does.  We will reevaluate in a year, once teething has stopped.

Well on Monday poor Maddie was so backed up and she actually pooped an Adult sized poop, HUGE.  I felt terrible.  Well today the flood gate opened.  I went to pick up the sweet pumpkin and she pooped out of her diaper, not only on her clothes, but the dog bed where she was sitting, on the floor, and on her Minnie ride a long car.  It was everywhere.  I am very happy she pooped but oh man cleaning it up was not so much fun.               Side note: Kirkland dog beds from Costco clean up very well.

Other than the poop situation the day went relatively well.  Lets see what tomorrow will hold.

In other news Keep Collective launched their new fall line.  I am so excited for this because Keep Collective has partnered with the Be Kind campaign to help bring awareness to bullying in school. It’s a great collaboration and I am so humbled to be apart of this company.  If you are interested in this campaign or making a one-of-a-kind bracelet, message me or visit my website keep-collective.com/with/leeaguy.


Todays commission was a nice glass of cold champagne. I love champagne, it would be my drink of choice, if it were not so darn expensive.  Ruby Hill’s Sparkling Wine, is the best.  Light, but fruity with a touch of dryness.  Seriously I haven’t found anything close to it


Mondays, Schmondays. Commission 8.3

I loathe Mondays.  Even though I am not working, Mondays still feel like Mondays.  It seems like everyone was in a funk today.  Even the kids in Nolan’s soccer class were all tired and blah.  Maddie took a half assed nap, which made getting dinner started hard.  Thank goodness it was a throw it together and put it in the oven type of dinner.  Nolan seemed to be super clingy with a side of whine today.  I just wanted a few minutes to myself.  Since the hubby worked late, that didn’t come until 8:45pm.

My commission for the day was two large and in charge glasses of wine.  I am feeling good now, and bed sounds amazing.

Weekend Highlights

This past weekend we went to the Larimer County Fair. Our first country county fair.  To compare Santa Clara or Alameda fairs would be comparing apples to oranges. The Larimer County Fair was good ole timey fun, with a legit rodeo. There was a craft brewery area with lots of tastings (yum), tons of carnival games and about 20 rides altogether, mostly geared towards children. The fair was probably 1/4 the size of the fairs I am used, but it was perfect. With children it’s not too much,  just the right amount.  However, the ride prices were insane, 25 dollars for a all access pass to the rides.  Holy cow just bend me over and take it right there, but the kids had fun.  The rodeo was a real eye opener.  I have been to horse camp, my family raised horses, I have cleaned and saddled a horse, I have been to rodeos in the bay area, never in the country.  Whew, my eyes were opened.  Cowboys and Cowgirls just riding around on horses from age 5-70+. UH-MAZING! Oh and you can actually win a fish, like back in the day.  Throw a ping pong ball in the colored fish bowl and win a fish. The kids found a tractor to sit in and eat, as well as climb and play on.

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On Sunday we learned another officer was gunned down for Memphis PD.  This one hit close to home as well.  David is in a mini academy with Fort Collins PD, one of his classmates came from Memphis PD.  Not only did David’s classmate know him, he was actually academy classmates with Memphis PD officer.  To LEO’s its like loosing a brother or sister.  I am glad the killer is in custody, Rest in Peace Officer Bolton.  My thoughts and prayers are with the family & friends of Office Bolton and all LEO’s.

7.31 Commission

Laying in bed relaxing alone and taking a breather to myself.  I get to care about what I am doing and not have to watch little people or listen for sounds of destruction.  This I owe to my husband, thank you David Guy.

Refreshed and Rejuvenated

At least I like to think I am.  I slept horribly but I am/was determined to make this day my bitch.  I am up, coffee in hand, thinking about everything we/I am going to accomplish today.  Thank goodness my little girl sleeps in until 9am, gives me some quality time with my little man and to plan what to do for the day.  I LOVE my sleep so if I can sleep in an extra 5 minutes and have messy hair for the day, so be it.

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Well needless to say I didn’t get everything done that I wanted, and we skipped the park and just went for a walk.  I couldn’t find the sunscreen, my little Madison is as white as they come, just like her mama.  You would never know that she had Filipino in her blood. We settled on a walk around the neighborhood with the doggies.

Maddie took a decent nap, in which I was able to get dinner prepared and fold 1 load of laundry.  Sometimes I feel awful for Nolan during nap time.  He needs to be quiet, and do something to entertain himself for about an hour and a half.   The poor 5 year old is a ball waiting to burst.  I need to find some quiet time activities that are fun.  I am all ears on quiet time activities.

I would say that today was a tie.  I did make today my half bitch.  Watch out because tomorrow is the county fair, lets see how the country does it.

My Keeper for the day.  If you would like to know more about Keep Collective please do not hesitate to comment below or visit my website. https://www.keep-collective.com/with/leeaguy